can_has_vodka | For lastvoyages: Twenty-Fourth Vision [video+spam]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Arkady dances around her living room with the chickens chasing her.]

We've been hit with a wave of cuteness!

[Okay, calm down Arkady. She pauses to catch her breath.]

Right! Time to be a responsible Warden and such.

[Serious face. Really. All right, so it's on the verge of crumbling, but still.]

Right! I need to know who's left with opposable thumbs, we still need to get everyone fed and watered and--rather urgently--let out of their rooms.

Also I need to know who needs out of their rooms. I'll be by presently!

[private to Scrad and Charlie]
Are you all right, lads?

[private to Admiral]
Right! I'm going to need several extra pounds each of fresh raw meat, veg and fruit, three twenty-pound bales of catnip, three bushels of tennis balls, a very large tub of vitamin powder and a two pound tub of wild mealworms. Also please put two large fishtanks into the pub, one salt, one fresh, and stock each with small bait fish.

Yes, I do know how to party.

[spam for deck--threadjack as wanted]
[Arkady, normally a purveyor of intoxicants, doesn't want anyone to have to go without. So, a bit after four PM every day of the Flood, she calmly lugs out an enormous bale of catnip, breaks it open and spreads a nice layer around on the deck near the pub windows, so she can watch the shenanigans. It takes her a while to finish up, and by the time she does the whole area smells of the fresh herb.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Well the first thing to do, clearly, is see what's what with this whole...cat thing. Also escape from his room before his cat murders him. Fortunately he's resourceful, or at least is content to yowl and throw himself at the door until someone with hands takes pity and lets him out, after which he streaks down the hallway like a shot.

From there, it's just wandering, and it's only a matter of time before he gets up to the deck and...what.is.that.smell.

Yeah, he'll be wandering over to investigate.]

[Arkady is just finishing up spreading out catnip.]

Oh hullo Spider! [HOW THE FUCK DID SHE KNOW]

I was just putting out catnip, since none of you can drink.

Is that what it is?

It smells...intriguing.

[Sniff sniff. Yeah. Weird. But the good kind of weird. The kind of weird he would normally eat or inject or whatever.]

My cat smokes cigarettes, but this is new.

Also you are absolutely from Farsight and it is kind of concerning to me.

[Not in a bad way?]

So...do you eat it?

Oh yes. Catnip affects the same brain receptors in cats that cannabis does in humans, without the lack of energy. I looked it up!

You should try rolling him a blunt with some of this. I'm likely to have some left over after.

Farsight? I am? Oh dear. Why concerning? [must...not...pet...]

Oh, well, the key is to get the oils out. So you can chew the leaves, claw them, and all that, and once they're good and bruised you roll in them.

[Oh, that's okay, she doesn't need to restrain herself, he'll sniff at it some more, pick up a couple leaves and start chewing, then weave around her legs. It's a stupid urge, but why the hell not.]

Cat's a girl. Evil little bitch too.

[Which normally would be said with a certain amount of appreciation, but. They're the same size right now.]

You knew my name. Without me having to say anything; it's both convenient and kind of worrying.

Ah. Well, wait until you're changed back until you offer her any catnip. Otherwise the two of you might end up in a situation where you can't look each other in the eye again.

Oh yes that. I can communicate telepathically with animals. I don't usually pry but this seems an emergency so my shields are down.

She'd bite my head off and tear my dick off, then eat my entrails. Pretty sure there wouldn't be a chance to get to the awkward morning after.

[And now he's butting his head against her leg. Seriously, woman. Petting would not be unappreciated, just do it already.]

Well, if it's any consolation, your dick is currently barbed, and she'd thus choke to death on it.

[Wait. That was just deranged.]

...You've got a certain influence on people, did you know that?

[She crouches down and petscritchies, because dammit...KITTEH.]

Because that's exactly what I need. A weaponized cock.

...actually. That just gives further proof that my journalistic organ is fucking bad ass.

[Her revelation only gains a Cheshire cat grin.]

It's been said.

[Oh. Oh. That is...do not stop that, he's going to have a moment here and just...roll around a little. Seriously, woman. DON'T STOP.

...oh. Is he...purring? Is that what that motorboat vibrating noise is?]

Actually apparently girl cats are into that. Which makes me wonder a bit about them.

[Scritchy scritchy scritchy]

It doesn't help that you're basically a twin to a few of my clanmates. First time I saw you I thought one of us had gotten tattoos and then tried all the drugs.

It doesn't surprise me. Like I said. Cat. Terrible, horrible bitch. It's about par that she'd get wet for a little violence.

...okay I need to stop talking about this. It's too fucking weird and it's been ENTIRELY too long.

[Purr purr purr, and he'll just be directing those scritches thanks. Right...there. Yes. Right there.]

You all had an unfortunate accident with a cleaner unit?

I'll have to behold her magnificent bitchiness for myself sometime.

[She muffles a giggle behind her free hand and keeps petting obediently.]

Um no, but we're all tall and lean and pale, and three of us shaved our heads after Britain drowned. It's sort of a mourning thing. I'm actually here to heal Britain and bring back as many of those people as I can.

Come bearing cigarettes and she might not try to maul you to death on principle.

[She can have a glare for the giggle though; do not laugh at his expense, he can't help the fact that scritches are currently the best thing ever.]

Good luck with that.

[And he's actually sincere about it.]

[She smiles apologetically and rubs a handful of nip into his fur.]

It'll get done. When Mozenrath graduated his success bought me protection from invasion while we rebuild. Next I'll ask for the waters to recede and the soil to be desalinated.

[He arches and squirms into it and sniffs at her hand, all distracted-like.]

So he does follow through, at least.

Oh yes. He's kind of a terrible person in some ways, but he keeps his word. Also, we're all a bit terrible in our own way.

Chronic symptom of the human condition.

[Rolllll roll roll. Twist and shout.]

FUCK this shit's good. Not bad for cat drugs.

Chronic symptom of every being that thinks, actually. I even know an android who is an asshole. A fun and charming asshole, but an asshole.

Yes, kitties get to enjoy some things the rest of us don't. They're immune to LSD, though, poor things. In fact, there's a great story about a cat in the States who was making his human servants hallucinate regularly and they didn't know why. As it turned out, the person renting the other half of the duplex was cooking lysergic, and the kitty kept visiting him via the shared attic. He was a carrier--his fur ended up impregnated with the stuff.

For lastvoyages: Twenty-Fourth Vision [video+spam]

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