For lastvoyages: nineteenth vision [video]

[can_has_vodka]

 Pub's back open, if anyone needs anything.

[Generous Friends Filter]
Everyone all right, then? I've invented a few new drinks if anyone feels like sampling.

[private to House]
Right. Well, you've had more than enough time to get settled. And now that you're in need of both work and a new dispensation method for your medicine, it is time we talked.

Comments

[huge_egomd]

The reality is most people can only take me in small doses, and I don't blame them for that.


You do realize 'easier' is an entirely relative concept? [He sighs, then gestures impatiently.] But sure, enlighten me--what is my path out of purgatory?

[can_has_vodka]

Doctor? I have spent twenty odd years in constant mental contact with two blokes who are even more cynical than you. I never much minded. They have their reasons. So do you.

But the truth is that you're so isolated that you're not getting enough feedback from the world. You end up stuck in your own head too much and you know just as well as I that oftentimes one's own head isn't a pleasant or even logical place. And when it gets too bad, people look for a way to not think for a while. I know that first hand. It's how I ended up overdosing.

That's right. I'm not exactly naive about chemical life-enhancement, and what happens if you don't have a proper handle on it. I'm going to make certain you have meds to treat your pain, and I'm not taking your pub privileges. But I have to make sure you don't hurt yourself. That is where things start. Just a bit of harm reduction.

[huge_egomd]

[Hey, inside his head is the safest place he knows. At least that's what he tells himself. It feels safer because he can ignore the scary stuff inside his head easier than the scary stuff outside. He's a pro at repression.]

Why bother if the only person I hurt is me? [He knows he's not the only person he hurts, but if he tells himself he's the only one getting hurt, he can avoid the guilt.] Shouldn't I have the right to screw up my life if I want to?

[can_has_vodka]

Well, as someone who actually gives a damn about you I'd say no, but that's bias. The problem isn't so much that you hurt yourself. It is your life, after all. It's that other people tend to get caught in your blast radius.

[huge_egomd]

Which would make it their fault. Any idiot knows to stay far away from me. [Despite the words, his tone isn't argumentative. He knows other people suffer because of his actions. He denies it, because that's what he does, but he knows.]

But whatever. I'm supposed to manage my use of intoxicating substances. I can do that. [He really believes he can, despite his past history.] What else? I mean, there has to be more to it.

[can_has_vodka]

But even if you choose to isolate yourself socially, you still have the people you need in order to pursue your calling. Coworkers, subordinates, patients. I'm willing to take my risks with you no matter what you decide, but they should not have to.

Honestly, that's the best start. I've had some thoughts to next steps, like getting you a guitar and perhaps a place to play it. Have a look outside that shell of yours.

[huge_egomd]

[Why oh why must he be held responsible for the well-being of others? He's incapable of seeing to his own safety.

But fine, okay, he knows he needs to stop messing up everyone else's life just 'cause his is so pathetic.

And a guitar would definitely be nice.]

I know what's outside. Why do you think I made that shell to begin with?

[can_has_vodka]

I know what's outside too. For that matter, you don't know the worst of it. You've never been chased down by tanks, for example.

Look. I don't expect you to turn into Joe fucking Extrovert. A lot of people aren't worth the emotional risk of connecting with them on more than a superficial level. But you can have a few friends. A bit of empathy. It doesn't have to be a catastrophic thing.

Some of my clanmates do various things to disconnect from the rest of the group mind for long spans. They're the introverts. That's just how they are. But even they reconnect a little now and again, in their own ways.

[huge_egomd]

[He wants to point out he had friends back home. A few friends...maybe two. But given how well that's gone for him, he desists.]

It'll all end in tears. [Well, it will. He just doesn't know if they'll be his, yours, or someone else's.] And you do realize the pool of potential friends is somewhat...tainted. [Come on, the barge is full of psychopaths and killers. And psychopathic killers.] I can barely control my own anti-social urges. Do you really think making friends with the freaks on this ship is going to help me?

[can_has_vodka]

I'll take that risk. Bet a number of others would too--the sort of people who don't actually suck.

[A pause. It's a good point.]

Yes and no. There's actually a great mix in this place. It is true, some people you cannot trust and I wouldn't ever push them at you. Some people around here need to be teleported out over a lake. Several times.

We need to find a use for those urges, Doctor. Outlet, something fun and wicked without being too damaging. You'd be one Hell of a satirist, for example.