For lastvoyages: Twenty-ninth vision [video+spam]

[can_has_vodka]

[Arkady looks...very tired. Her eyes are sunken and a little glazed, as if she hasn't slept. She has a pair of chickens on the couch with her, both hunkered down drowsy, and a somewhat large basket of eggs on her lap.]

Um...Lady Bertina's been busy lately, and I'm not sure I can eat all of these. Does anyone have a use for eggs?

[private to Touko]
Come down for tea! I've a homework assignment for you.

I do hope Junko has not been giving you more trouble. Giving people trouble seems to be what she does in life.

[Pub Spam]
[Arkady has seemed subdued these last few days, only making appearances during her shifts, and not being social much at all. She goes quietly about her duties in the pub, her usual cheery distractedness gone, but still bent on looking after people as best she can.

Comments

[can_has_vodka]

Look. Nobody is excusing anything that Syo does. [Or that Touko does, but she glosses over that for now.] You can sympathize with a person's suffering without excusing what they do.

You don't want to live with her, I don't want you to have to live with her. But the problem is that she's rooted in that awfulness I mentioned. You have to get rid of her by getting rid of that. If I tried to yank her out telepathically....

[She hesitates.]

All the bad things would go tumbling out into the light at once, and it might well break you.

[syouko]

You can block her off, can't you? If you can open something, you can close it. I'm one except for her.

[can_has_vodka]

It will go badly if I do this. If you really want I will, but after that I'll make myself on call to put things back.

[syouko]

It can't go wrong. All you'd do is shut her up like she isn't there. If she can't get out, it's the same thing!

[can_has_vodka]

All right. But please at least stay seated as I try this. [She is all kinds of worried. She knows that quick fixes like this only really work on some minds, and even then she'd need the help of many of her brethren.]

[syouko]

[Touko curls up and tries to relax, but this is different from when Arkady took out the block Junko had put there, she can already tell. She wants a block just like that, but whatever needs to get put away has tangled itself around sense and function and even her own memory.]

Keep going. [She winces in preparation, waiting for Arkady to cut through these threads.]

[can_has_vodka]

[The glow intensifies, as did the pressure in Touko's head. Arkady is trying to pry loose the troublesome bits quickly and wall them off, but she knows there's no fast way of doing that without damaging Touko's mind. And walling off every bit of it without harming her mind requires her to wall off...well, who knew what? Writing talent, ability to walk, her entire childhood?]

[With tears in her eyes, she draws a curtain across the whole mess, "showing" Touko her efforts through a metaphorical mental image. She keeps hold of one end of it, in case she has to reverse it quickly.]

[syouko]

[She grits her teeth, whimpering even so, but doesn't make a move to stop Arkady.]

It isn't like I'll know what I'm missing.

[This might not be true, she knows that as soon as she says it, but it's not as if it'll matter much if this breaks her. No matter what, she'll be stuck living here, or somewhere else no one really cares, so it's worth it if she isn't afraid anymore.]

[can_has_vodka]

[Tears track down Arkady's cheeks as she struggles to seal off everything Touko need her to. The curtain thickens into a shimmering white wall...and she feels her stomach twist up as she pulls back to monitor Touko's whole mind. She's sure this will cause side effects. Maybe ugly ones.]

It's...done...how do you feel?

[syouko]

[Touko hasn't moved at all during the process, and she's still hugging her knees to herself when Arkady lets go of her mind. The eyes that look up at her are dry, but uncomprehending, and she moves to take off her glasses, but squints at them in confusion when they're off her face, so she jams them back on and twists about to give Arkady a look.]

Wh-what's going on here?

[Before she says more, she catches sight of Bertina and flutters her fingers cautiously.]

[can_has_vodka]

[Arkady blinks slowly, because of all the things she expected, it wasn't this. How much had she just blocked off?]

Um...oh dear. I'm sorry, please don't be alarmed. I'm Arkady, and I'm afraid you have had a bit of a shock and lost your memory. I'm going to try and fix things. But I need to ask you a few questions to do so. Perhaps you'd like a cocoa in the meantime?

[The chicken gets up cheerfully and wanders over, plopping herself down next to Touko and making birdy grumbling noises. Her diaper today has daisies on it.]

[syouko]

[The room seems nice, and she's never known anyone who kept big birds like this in the house, but Touko's already looking for an exit. Something's definitely gone wrong and she doesn't know if she wants to remember what it was.] Did you do something to my eyes? Because I don't think it worked...

I like your bird, though.

[can_has_vodka]

Oh dear. You're not used to having to wear glasses, are you? How old are you, love?

I was honestly trying to help clean up some bad things in your head, but I think I took too much out. I'll have to fix it. It won't take more than a minute.

[Bertina boks softly and fluffs. Bout time you warmed up to us!]

Yes, she's lovely. She gives me cuddles and poos eggs daily.

[syouko]

[Even if she's nice, and even if the glasses help a little - she doesn't remember them, so they're probably from her - Touko's still suspicious. No matter how innocent the question is, she knows where it can lead.]

If I tell you, you'll just call me a baby. Don't put anything back.

[can_has_vodka]

Oh dear. You're very young, aren't you? But you can't be a baby or you would be gurgling at me and sucking on your finger.

[She hesitates.]

You know, I wish I could just leave you like this. All clean, before the bad things. You deserve that chance. But to do this right, I have to untangle the bad from the good so you don't lose so many of your memories, and that will take several sessions. Because...

[She sighs and goes to get her mirror. To show her.]

There are many bad things here, and you need to be more grown up in order to handle them all.

[syouko]

[She stares into the mirror, and when she waves, the other girl who can't be her waves back.]

So you're making me older? So I can- [No, Touko, we don't talk about that, so she cuts off the sentence.]

...you can do it, if you want.

[can_has_vodka]

I don't want to do it. If I could I'd fix things so you could have a do-over of most of your life. But this place is too dangerous for a very young person. I don't even understand why Arya is here. And since I can't run off home with you and help you there...I have to.

[She mentally reaches out to draw back the psychic curtain.]

The only way to keep this from happening is to fix the problems piece by piece so you don't lose everything else.

[syouko]

[That last sentence is the last part Touko hears before coming back to herself. In future years, she's not going to remember this conversation clearly: it'll be there, but mixed up in her memories of her childhood and she'll only have an explanation if she thinks very hard. The grown version of her Arkady brings back only feels that she's still the person she was.]

It didn't work.

[can_has_vodka]

[Arkady wipes the tears off her cheeks and swallows.]

No, but I found out enough to know what we need to do.

[She sighs softly.]

Clearing everything out at once would cost you almost all of your memories. It has to be disentangled and gotten rid of in multiple treatments. Otherwise...

...I don't know what age the you was that I just talked to, but you were too young to survive here.

[syouko]

You turned me into a little girl? That's all you could do to get her out? If she stays... [Her voice breaks in frustration.] She's going to ruin everything.

[can_has_vodka]

No, no, no, please. Calm down. That is not what I said. I can get her out, but it has to be done in stages. Otherwise, yes, you'll be stuck with a huge gap in your memories.

And we're not going to let her ruin everything, Touko.

[syouko]

If she's tied into my memories, maybe they should go. You saw what happened when I remembered what happened at school.

[can_has_vodka]

Do you want to walk around the Barge thinking you're about six? Does that sound like a good idea to you?

[syouko]

[It does sound stupid, when someone else says what she thinks in a much less grand way than she tries to express them.]

Then what do you want to do instead.

[can_has_vodka]

[Arkady points at the television, and the image of Touko's mind appears on it, with the parts she wants out growing through the tangle of it like a parasitic black vine.]

I remove it with multiple treatments. It could take a few months, maybe more. The point is that I can do the job, but we need to let your mind recover between each adjustment.