For lastvoyages: Twenty-ninth vision [video+spam]

[can_has_vodka]

[Arkady looks...very tired. Her eyes are sunken and a little glazed, as if she hasn't slept. She has a pair of chickens on the couch with her, both hunkered down drowsy, and a somewhat large basket of eggs on her lap.]

Um...Lady Bertina's been busy lately, and I'm not sure I can eat all of these. Does anyone have a use for eggs?

[private to Touko]
Come down for tea! I've a homework assignment for you.

I do hope Junko has not been giving you more trouble. Giving people trouble seems to be what she does in life.

[Pub Spam]
[Arkady has seemed subdued these last few days, only making appearances during her shifts, and not being social much at all. She goes quietly about her duties in the pub, her usual cheery distractedness gone, but still bent on looking after people as best she can.

Comments

private

[can_has_vodka]

[Arkady lets her in quietly. There are wadded tissues in the wastebasket but the place doesn't smell like a sickroom. She closes the door behind her.]

Fifty-eight million British people. That's why I don't go home. Fifty-eight million British people and one Japanese girl who may brass me off, but deserves better than what she left--or than this place.

Re: private

[syouko]

[It shuts her up for a moment, hearing about some bigger purpose that Touko's never even bothered to ask about (why should she care, anyone who chooses to come here should either make it a home like she's working on or just get out). She's only briefly mollified, though, and keeps saying very stupid things.]

I didn't mean forever.

private

[can_has_vodka]

It would be very hard to come back. So it's probably best if I stay until you're ready to get out of here.

[She sighs and nudges Bertina aside so she can flop onto the couch.]

But then, yes, I'm going for good. I'll have helped three Inmates get out of here and done what Britain needs to get back on her feet. After that, I'm done with all this.

[syouko]

[Touko still doesn't trust the couch, or anywhere with the chicken, so finds a spot around a couple pillows.]

So how do I get out, if you're stuck? [There's nowhere for her to go, but it's worth asking. To make her stop, if nothing else.]

[can_has_vodka]

Basically? You have to give up the whole "playing host to someone who kills people with scissors regularly" thing. It would be best if you learned to treat yourself and others better as well, but that's the big thing.

[syouko]

It isn't like I asked her to be there. [Touko grits her teeth.] Someone like me getting taken over by that freak... it doesn't make any sense.

[can_has_vodka]

Oh Touko. [Her face falls.] It's too bad you're not a huggy person.

I'm afraid that Syo is your Hyde. She can be dismantled, made to go away, but it's not going to be easy. As for why you...well, that's part of the difficulty. Undoing what caused her to develop means facing what caused her to develop.

keywords sob

[syouko]

["Aren't you supposed to be helping me?" is too harsh, even Touko knows that. Someone who's into nice and feelings and all of that is going to think you have to just let everything out, and if that isn't how Arkady thinks, Touko doesn't get her at all.]

That's what makes someone like that come out, don't you get it?! That's how all those stories go. If someone looks too hard into themselves, they never like what they find. I-it's just going to make me worse...

[can_has_vodka]

Actually no, it's nothing like that at all.

When there are bad things in your head, revealing them isn't comfortable, but it's the first step to cleaning them out of your head. It's not like letting monsters out of their cage. It's like digging into the nasty back closets of your mind. It's hard work and you have to look at all the nasty things as you pull them out, and then you have to let go of them and throw them away.

But the longer they stay locked up and festering, the worse the mess gets. It leaks out. Roaches, rats...homicidal Hyde-selves...

...all those stored up bad things give her power.

[syouko]

No. [It rushes too quickly out of her mouth, and her fingers tear at the outside of the cushion she's sitting on.]

She doesn't want the same things I do. I know what she's told you, what she told Adrian one time, but those are excuses. They've got to be. They try to make all those freaks sympathetic now, you've seen all those books about serial killers, right? B-but she wasn't even there for anything like that.

[can_has_vodka]

Look. Nobody is excusing anything that Syo does. [Or that Touko does, but she glosses over that for now.] You can sympathize with a person's suffering without excusing what they do.

You don't want to live with her, I don't want you to have to live with her. But the problem is that she's rooted in that awfulness I mentioned. You have to get rid of her by getting rid of that. If I tried to yank her out telepathically....

[She hesitates.]

All the bad things would go tumbling out into the light at once, and it might well break you.

[syouko]

You can block her off, can't you? If you can open something, you can close it. I'm one except for her.

[can_has_vodka]

It will go badly if I do this. If you really want I will, but after that I'll make myself on call to put things back.

[syouko]

It can't go wrong. All you'd do is shut her up like she isn't there. If she can't get out, it's the same thing!

[can_has_vodka]

All right. But please at least stay seated as I try this. [She is all kinds of worried. She knows that quick fixes like this only really work on some minds, and even then she'd need the help of many of her brethren.]

[syouko]

[Touko curls up and tries to relax, but this is different from when Arkady took out the block Junko had put there, she can already tell. She wants a block just like that, but whatever needs to get put away has tangled itself around sense and function and even her own memory.]

Keep going. [She winces in preparation, waiting for Arkady to cut through these threads.]

[can_has_vodka]

[The glow intensifies, as did the pressure in Touko's head. Arkady is trying to pry loose the troublesome bits quickly and wall them off, but she knows there's no fast way of doing that without damaging Touko's mind. And walling off every bit of it without harming her mind requires her to wall off...well, who knew what? Writing talent, ability to walk, her entire childhood?]

[With tears in her eyes, she draws a curtain across the whole mess, "showing" Touko her efforts through a metaphorical mental image. She keeps hold of one end of it, in case she has to reverse it quickly.]

[syouko]

[She grits her teeth, whimpering even so, but doesn't make a move to stop Arkady.]

It isn't like I'll know what I'm missing.

[This might not be true, she knows that as soon as she says it, but it's not as if it'll matter much if this breaks her. No matter what, she'll be stuck living here, or somewhere else no one really cares, so it's worth it if she isn't afraid anymore.]

[can_has_vodka]

[Tears track down Arkady's cheeks as she struggles to seal off everything Touko need her to. The curtain thickens into a shimmering white wall...and she feels her stomach twist up as she pulls back to monitor Touko's whole mind. She's sure this will cause side effects. Maybe ugly ones.]

It's...done...how do you feel?

[syouko]

[Touko hasn't moved at all during the process, and she's still hugging her knees to herself when Arkady lets go of her mind. The eyes that look up at her are dry, but uncomprehending, and she moves to take off her glasses, but squints at them in confusion when they're off her face, so she jams them back on and twists about to give Arkady a look.]

Wh-what's going on here?

[Before she says more, she catches sight of Bertina and flutters her fingers cautiously.]

[can_has_vodka]

[Arkady blinks slowly, because of all the things she expected, it wasn't this. How much had she just blocked off?]

Um...oh dear. I'm sorry, please don't be alarmed. I'm Arkady, and I'm afraid you have had a bit of a shock and lost your memory. I'm going to try and fix things. But I need to ask you a few questions to do so. Perhaps you'd like a cocoa in the meantime?

[The chicken gets up cheerfully and wanders over, plopping herself down next to Touko and making birdy grumbling noises. Her diaper today has daisies on it.]

[syouko]

[The room seems nice, and she's never known anyone who kept big birds like this in the house, but Touko's already looking for an exit. Something's definitely gone wrong and she doesn't know if she wants to remember what it was.] Did you do something to my eyes? Because I don't think it worked...

I like your bird, though.

[can_has_vodka]

Oh dear. You're not used to having to wear glasses, are you? How old are you, love?

I was honestly trying to help clean up some bad things in your head, but I think I took too much out. I'll have to fix it. It won't take more than a minute.

[Bertina boks softly and fluffs. Bout time you warmed up to us!]

Yes, she's lovely. She gives me cuddles and poos eggs daily.

[syouko]

[Even if she's nice, and even if the glasses help a little - she doesn't remember them, so they're probably from her - Touko's still suspicious. No matter how innocent the question is, she knows where it can lead.]

If I tell you, you'll just call me a baby. Don't put anything back.

[can_has_vodka]

Oh dear. You're very young, aren't you? But you can't be a baby or you would be gurgling at me and sucking on your finger.

[She hesitates.]

You know, I wish I could just leave you like this. All clean, before the bad things. You deserve that chance. But to do this right, I have to untangle the bad from the good so you don't lose so many of your memories, and that will take several sessions. Because...

[She sighs and goes to get her mirror. To show her.]

There are many bad things here, and you need to be more grown up in order to handle them all.